#6 - Not every year

Well, it's been 3 years since my last confession.

I walked in here not remembering even having this blog, but it remembered me. All of a sudden those words that I thought years back and burnt into that old server over 3 years ago came flashing like those desert floods again, only now it suddenly seems like a forever. I forgot all about it, but it didn't matter. It stayed and lived. It waited.

I read these old posts and they don't seem infantile or childish. they seem clever and relevant. does that mean that 3 years ago i've finished growing up?

#5 - Definitely not everyday

i absolutely can't post every day. 

squeezing these kinds of thoughts, ones that seem worthy of posting, tires me greatly.

and they scare me. i think the life outside of the cave demands as much sacrifice as the one inside it. i choose to seldom step out of the cave. short visits to the life of the mind.

see you then... 

#4 - The Redeeming Sleep

this is the end of the week. finally, the day i've been waiting for, for 6 days.
i've been in school al day i bought groceries on the way back, i walked the dog. there's only one kind of happy tiredness and this is it. any other tiredness on any other day of the week would be exhausting, painful and saddening, but not this one. thursday night's tiredness is full of hope, since of accomplishment and self satisfaction, even if there are no real reasons to be feeling this, it's in the package. it's thursday night. only now i'm afraid to waist it. if i go to sleep, the next thing i'll know is waking up on friday morning which will be a few hours less than 7 days until the next one. nevertheless the redeeming sleep would be as sweet as honey, only without the fat.

#3 - The Day I Do Nothing

wednesday is the day i do nothing. it's actually the day i should do most but that is the main reason why i always do.. well.. nothing.
i love doing nothing it feels almost like a sin.
society would appreciate me so much if i did all i could do, if i used my time to it's fullest. i just hide in my room. roam the internet, hopping from one site to another. those who know me don't
know where i go and those who know where i go don't know me. i got both my friends and google all confused ;-)

VJDJ

# 2 - Nothing New

nothing is new except for the year.
when i opened this blog i thought i'd write everyday. i intend to, i thought - so many people keep diaries. so many people have so many things to say every day, i must be able to do that too. i mean, i have so many thoughts all the time, but they're always so temporary, it's like floods in the desert - they come out of no where, wash through me and move on, i never think them again. i keep having other thoughts, but never the same ones. now i wonder if keeping a diary is a good idea at all. in high school we were taught that dreams are not supposed to be remembered in the morning as a result of a defense mechanism of the body that allows you deal with difficult emotions and keep safe from them at the same time. maybe thoughts flushing right through me is a good thing and trying to freeze them in some server somewhere is a bad idea. i'm gonna try.

I FEEL

i feel like Jonathan Harris is looking at me.